He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
