Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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