So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
