Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
