I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
