Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
