Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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