Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
