I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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