I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
