i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
