i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
