I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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