I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
