Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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