i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
