Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize