I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
