The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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