i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
