Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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