I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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