In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dick very happy bro
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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