I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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