fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
