Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
