6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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