How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
