awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Someone signed my nipple.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
