I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
