i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
