We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My vagina is officially offended.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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