I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
