the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
