Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
