this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
