Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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