maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
