DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
