All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she woke up with a sticky ear
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize