I'm lost and stupid without you.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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