You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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