Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
