you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
