I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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