i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We're too hungover to prance.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
