ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
