i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
