you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
