"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
