Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
