real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
