my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
