I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
