she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
