It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize