It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
