Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
