You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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