i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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