I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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