I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
