I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
