there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
