Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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