I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize