No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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