just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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