You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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