my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
