I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize