I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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