the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
