I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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