and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
