I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
