My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
