Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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