I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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