I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
