im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
