i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
