come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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