a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Never joke about your clitoris.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
