how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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