i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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