You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
